When Your September Reset Needs a Reset

Back-to-school stress, chronic migraines, and accepting that sometimes just keeping everyone alive and where they’re supposed to be is enough.

A few days ago, I wrote about my September Reset.

I had plans. Nothing revolutionary. I wasn’t waking up at 4 a.m. to meditate before my already ridiculous 5 a.m. alarm. I wasn’t reorganizing my entire house or committing to some elaborate morning routine involving green juice. But I wanted to get back into a rhythm.

I wanted to declutter. I wanted to exercise again. I wanted to paint. I had projects I wanted to finish in the backyard. I wanted to get our house under control after summer and actually enjoy that very specific September feeling when the air starts changing and you suddenly want to reorganize a closet and buy a new candle.

I made schedules. I organized calendars. I got everyone where they needed to be.

And apparently my body looked at my carefully planned September reset and said:

Oh hey, fuck you. (If you know, you know.)

September Is Septembering

The last few weeks, my migraines have been coming and going more frequently again. There probably isn’t one specific reason. Back-to-school stress? Absolutely. The increasingly rainy weather and pressure changes? Probably. Not enough sleep? Definitely. Perimenopause hormones? Why not throw those in too. Commuting? Medication changes? Existing as a human being with chronic migraine?

At this point, I’m fairly certain breathing incorrectly can trigger one.

I’ve already had to switch preventative medications because the previous one gave me side effects I couldn’t tolerate. Unfortunately, the medication I’m taking now doesn’t seem to be controlling the headaches and migraines as effectively.

And September isn’t exactly known for being a relaxing month when you have kids. School starts. Sports start. Meet-the-teacher nights appear. Back-to-school events multiply. Forms need to be filled out. Someone needs something for something tomorrow that you’ve somehow never heard about despite maintaining approximately seventeen calendars.

Everything happens at once. Tuesday is currently our personal circle of hell, with soccer, swim and jiu-jitsu all happening on the same day.

I’m incredibly lucky because my husband and I make a good team. I tend to handle more of the calendars, scheduling and general logistics, while he does a lot of the driving. We’ve even reached the point of calling in reinforcements: friends have been helping bring our youngest home from soccer on Tuesdays because their son practices with him.

It takes a village. Especially when half the village has to be in three different places at 6 p.m.

Chronic Migraine Doesn’t Always Look Like Being in Bed

I think this is one of the things people don’t understand about chronic migraine; migraine is a disability. And when you’ve lived with chronic pain for a long time, your definition of “fine” gets a little warped. My everyday baseline pain is probably around a four on a scale of one to ten. But I’ve been doing this for decades. My four might feel very different to someone who doesn’t live with pain every day. A six or seven for me? Unfortunately, that’s often what I consider tolerable.

On my truly bad migraine days, I can’t function. I call out of work, sleep and wait for it to pass. Those are the days with significant pain, nausea, light sensitivity, smell sensitivity, TMJ pain, fatigue, brain fog and the whole migraine grab bag. But those aren’t most migraine days.

Most migraine days, I go to work. In 2024, I had some degree of headache or migraine approximately 95 percent of the year; so if I waited until I felt completely well to live my life, I wouldn’t have much of a life.

I commute into Manhattan. I sit at my computer. I wear my FL-41 pink glasses to reduce some of the eye strain. If I’m alone in my office, I turn off the overhead lights. I put on my noise-canceling headphones when I can. I drink as much water as possible. And then I work. Because what else am I supposed to do? I’ve previously tried requesting workplace accommodations. Let’s just say the experience wasn’t particularly accommodating.

So most days, I power through. And sometimes, sitting on the train under those bright lights, already exhausted before I’ve even gotten home, I genuinely wonder: What would my life be like if I wasn’t in pain all the time?

I wonder what I could accomplish with all that extra energy. Because I’m already doing all of this while my body is constantly running something difficult in the background. What could I do if it wasn’t?

The Productivity Guilt Is Real

This is probably the part I’m struggling with the most. I always feel like I should be doing more.

I should work out. I should clean the house. I should organize that room. I should finish the backyard. I should paint. I should be productive.

Over the summer, I was getting into a better rhythm with weekend cleaning and projects. I really wanted to carry that into fall because, frankly, the clutter in our house has reached the point where it stresses me out.

But lately?

Some weekends, all I can do is lie down and hope for the best. Working out is still something I care about. I just don’t have anything left to give it right now. Painting has been pushed aside. The backyard project I was excited about hasn’t happened. There are things sitting around my house that I would very much like to organize. And I’m trying to accept that right now, I’m treading water.

The mandatory things get done. Everyone gets where they need to go. Work gets done. There is food. There are clean clothes somewhere. We’re calling that a win.

Learning to Let Other People Help

This one is hard for me. I was raised to push through. You do what needs to be done. You don’t sit down while someone else is working. You help. Which sounds great until your body is begging you to stop and you’re still trying to unload the dishwasher because your husband is making dinner and you feel guilty.

My husband is constantly telling me to go lie down, and I’m incredibly lucky to have him. When I’m having a bad migraine, he picks up whatever I can’t do. He cooks, which isn’t exactly a hardship for the rest of us because his dinners are always delicious, or we order something. He drives. He handles the chaos.

He also gets migraines, although thankfully not as frequently or severely as I do, which somehow makes me feel more guilty about letting him take over. I don’t want him burning himself out either.

The boys have grown up knowing that Mommy gets very bad headaches. They’re old enough now to help with cleaning and chores when we need them to. Granted, they’re also barely home because apparently we’ve decided that our extracurricular schedule should resemble that of professional athletes. And they’re still boys. So occasionally there is a GUYS. QUIET DOWN. MOMMY HAS A MIGRAINE, followed approximately four minutes later by something crashing upstairs.

But bless their hearts, they really are good about it. They understand, and I know how lucky I am.

Resting Is Somehow Still Something I’m Bad At

The irony is that I’m exhausted. Constantly.

I feel like I never get enough sleep during the week. By Friday night, I could practically collapse directly into bed wearing whatever I wore to work. Sometimes I fall asleep immediately. But other nights? My body is completely exhausted and my brain decides it’s an excellent time to review every thought I’ve had since 2007.

And you’d think catching up on sleep during the weekend would help, except migraines love consistency, so sleeping later can sometimes trigger another migraine. Which is fantastic. Am I going to start waking up at 5 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays just to maintain my weekday schedule? Absolutely not. I have boundaries.

So This Is My September Reset…Reset

I’m not giving up on the things I wanted to do, they’re just going to happen later. The house will get organized. I’ll work out again. I’ll paint. I’ll finish the backyard. And I really want to start using the hot tub at night again, especially now that the evenings are getting cooler.

But right now, I’m trying to pay attention to the things that are happening instead of constantly focusing on everything that isn’t. I still read every night before bed; sometimes I sit outside on the porch with my Kindle and enjoy the weather. I watch my boys running around outside being the sweet little goofs they are. I snuggle with my husband. I snuggle with my kids. And I get bonus snuggles from our German Shepherd, who has been particularly clingy lately, but he’s a male German Shepherd, so that tracks.

Those things count too.

Maybe September didn’t need me to become more productive. Maybe the actual reset was realizing that there are seasons when you’re going to accomplish a lot and seasons when keeping your head above water is the accomplishment. Especially when you’re doing it with chronic pain.

If You’re Treading Water Too

Maybe your thing isn’t migraine. Maybe you’re exhausted. Maybe work is insane. Maybe your kids’ schedules are running your life. Maybe someone is sick. Maybe you’re dealing with something nobody else can see.

Or maybe you simply don’t have the energy you thought you’d have this September.

Your house might be cluttered. The workout routine might not have happened. The project might still be sitting exactly where you left it three weeks ago. Dinner might be takeout tonight. Again.

You might look around at everyone seemingly reorganizing their homes, baking sourdough, decorating perfectly for fall and getting up at 5 a.m. to work out and wonder why you can’t seem to get it together. Except some of us are already getting up at 5 a.m. and we’re tired.

So maybe the September reset needs a reset; I’m trying to remind myself that I don’t have to accomplish everything right now.

There will be time for the backyard, and painting, and organizing, and working out. Today, maybe the productive thing is going to work, getting everyone where they’re supposed to be, ordering dinner, putting on comfortable clothes, grabbing my Kindle and sitting on the porch. And if that’s all I accomplish? That’s okay.

Because if you’re also looking around your house right now thinking about everything you haven’t gotten done this month, I promise:

You’re not the only one not getting everything done.

And that’s okay.

xx Valerie